- My wife and I had a 70-person destination wedding in Hawaii.
- We prioritized local vendors — including our wedding planners, who found all kinds of discounts.
- This article is part of "Milestone Moments," a series about financial planning for major life events.
Months before my now-wife and I got engaged, we visited Valerie Madison, a Black-owned fine jewelry brand local to Seattle, to try on rings. We ended up buying ours during a sale and opted for Moissanite to save some money, a sign that we were aware of the costs to come.
Neither of us had spent years dreaming of our wedding, so we were open to what our big day could look like. We decided to have a destination wedding in Oahu because we found a queer-owned wedding-planning company, The Gay Agenda Collective, in the area. My partner's dad grew up in Hawaii, so it felt like a special place to celebrate the next chapter of life. I also liked that a destination wedding would empower us to celebrate outside the routine of our lives in Seattle.
We focused on spending on what mattered to us, saving money by renting or reusing decor, and working with local small businesses whenever possible.
We saved up beforehand
We were lucky to have financial support from our families for our wedding, which made a big difference. For the rest of the expenses, my now-wife and I determined how much money we'd need by the time of the wedding to meet our budget.
We set aside additional money we received, like bonuses or gift cards, so we could use them on wedding purchases. We put this money in a high-yield savings account — since most vendor invoices were due before our big day, we knew we could earn interest on these funds for several months.
We kept the wedding small
We sent our invitations a year in advance, but many people had conflicts or couldn't come because of the cost of traveling to Hawaii.
We ultimately had about 70 people come to Oahu to celebrate us, which was about half the number of people we invited. This ended up being a blessing in disguise because we were able to be present with everyone there, and we had smaller celebrations with people who couldn't make it to the wedding.
We carefully chose our planners
We chose to be engaged for two years so we'd have more time to plan and help guests plan ahead.
The most important step was booking our wedding-planning team, who made us feel seen as queer women of color and helped us choose vendors that could bring our big day to life without compromising our bank accounts. Plus, they were local to Oahu and had valuable knowledge of and relationships with local vendors and businesses.
We were strategic about our spending
Our wedding planners invited us to pick the categories where we were willing to spend more and those where we could forgo the bells and whistles.
We knew we wanted to splurge on a photographer and videographer because the photos would be the main thing we'd have after the wedding. We also wanted to have tasty local fare and great desserts.
Because we're also pretty sentimental, we got an After the Tone audio guestbook so guests could leave their well wishes and messages throughout the day.
By saving on some parts of the wedding, we were able to spend more on what mattered most.
We rented, DIYed, and booked local vendors
We booked only local vendors to minimize travel fees and, more importantly, support small-business owners on Oahu. To save some of our budget, we rented decor such as lawn games and centerpieces from WedCycle, a company our wedding planners managed.
One of our favorite details was our seating chart, which included personalized notes and Polaroids of each of our guests, a testament to all the love notes my wife and I have written to each other.
We also did a few things ourselves, like signage and the flower canopy that accompanied me down the aisle, which my wife made and shipped to Oahu.
Working with our wedding planners also let us get discounts with some of the vendors, including on the fresh oyster shucking we had at our reception. Our planners also proposed reusing parts of the florals from our ceremony as centerpieces at our reception and as part of a memorial table with photos of loved ones. We were even able to preserve some of the flowers in a frame and take some to Kauai to put at the gravesite of my wife's grandmothers.
We chose to save on our outfits
My wife and I both had an outfit change (with alterations), mehndi, bridal bouquets, and professional hair and makeup. What helped was that my wife bought her wedding dress from a local vendor who offered a discount because she purchased it during her first appointment, and she decided to forgo a veil.
We saved a bit of money by wearing jewelry we already had, and I'm planning to recoup some of the costs by selling our wedding dresses.
Every detail made our big day worth it
Seeing other people's weddings occasionally created a sense of pressure to spend more to make the day more special. Our wedding planners helped me feel grounded by reminding me that everything I had was enough to make the day special.
Our wedding day was a product of intentional planning and saving that enabled us to have a day we loved, complete with personal touches like notes for every guest, beautiful florals, a stunning venue, and many of the people we love most. It was special not only because we flew to Oahu but because we centered the power of queer love and our community.
